There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's rum buckets o'clock