We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me