I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.