Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
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I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.