I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?