Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"