Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Send us your Text From Last Night!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.