Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me