I faked an abortion last night.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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