we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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