All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it