He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete