I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day