I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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