Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody