Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST