She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night