I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.