he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize