I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.