Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
4 words: hood of his car
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable