Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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