I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I love black thongs
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dating After Heartbreak
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
turn off your phone and go to bed
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink