Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.