Texts From Last Night · Worst Nights of All Time

Worst Nights of All Time

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(518): View more from New York

Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.

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(518): Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try. http://tfl.nu/4xiu

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.

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(250): Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults. http://tfl.nu/wfm3

Replies (6) Good night (1304) Bad night (234) Order T-Shirt
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(314): View more from Missouri

Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.

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(314): Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back. http://tfl.nu/xqdn

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(706): View more from Georgia

I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.

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(706): I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos. http://tfl.nu/xv9s

Replies (9) Good night (724) Bad night (234) Order T-Shirt
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.

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(401): I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things. http://tfl.nu/cr6r

Replies (4) Good night (1360) Bad night (234) Order T-Shirt
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(727): View more from Florida

I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.

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(727): I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate. http://tfl.nu/o1ey

Replies (5) Good night (1369) Bad night (234)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?

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(440): Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick? http://tfl.nu/vf93

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it

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(+44): He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it http://tfl.nu/n5kq

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(847): View more from Illinois

Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.

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(847): Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra. http://tfl.nu/ud2y

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(812): View more from Indiana

My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.

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(812): My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete. http://tfl.nu/hbes

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(937): View more from Ohio

Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.

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(937): Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life. http://tfl.nu/0u64

Replies (9) Good night (668) Bad night (234)
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(347): View more from New York

Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.

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(347): Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds. http://tfl.nu/v5xi

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.

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(704): Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water. http://tfl.nu/djc8

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(310): View more from California

I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.

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(310): I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there. http://tfl.nu/gafs

Replies (3) Good night (783) Bad night (233)
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(850): View more from Florida

After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.

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(850): After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up. http://tfl.nu/jmm0

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Worst Nights of All Time

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