Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.