Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
turn off your phone and go to bed
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.