We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I love black thongs
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.