Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night