will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.