the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
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What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.