dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.