'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
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He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...