Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?