I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
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no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.