This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.