can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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