did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.