I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.