we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i permit you to call me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.