Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.