Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.