Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?