He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring