What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just pee around me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.