Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.