She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!