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Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
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