cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's a Shit stain on my heart
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
