so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
id be glad to
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This is not my ceiling