so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
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Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
id be glad to
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
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I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This is not my ceiling