sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize