don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.