Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Follow @tfln
Cracked IndieClick Humor