All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation