It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.