i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
