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Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
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