Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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