This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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