Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.