I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You can't motorboat a personality
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.