I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You can't motorboat a personality
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.