Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt