We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.