i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?