He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
