I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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