Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them