I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She said her name was "party"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday