she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test