i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.