You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test