Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
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Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward