fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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